So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
