you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
