She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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