Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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