i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
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He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
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Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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