dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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