my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
