I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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