Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
