need another drink. this is the easiest way
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
