dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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