I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
