Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
