So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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