AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
not ubering you a puppy
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
