can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
