Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
40s are totally the cure
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
