3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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