i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
