she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
