Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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