so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
