Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
