shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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