we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
