In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
