so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
