Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
