i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I queefed so loud it echoed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
