Im at strip club and am horny
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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