You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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