She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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