so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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