I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
