This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
As shirtless as possible
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
