But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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