Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
