I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize