3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize