If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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