That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
