Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
