I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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