I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
