I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
