Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize