Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
