how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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