She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
