Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You are a genius and a whore.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
