Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
