just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
