theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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