She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
