And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
