my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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