i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
