She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
