Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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