woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
