i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
