god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
