My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
from now on my penis is your penis
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The power of my boobs compel you
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
