I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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