so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
