she was so not down for the gang bang
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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