At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
