you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
